Quill of Fire
by LadyDrake
Summary: Who could possibly be writing the sappy romance novels that all of Hogwarts is drooling over? Response to the WIKTT SS Romance Novelist challenge.
1. Marquis of Hearts

**A/N** I just couldn't resist answering to this challenge. A couple of the Romance Novel excerpts were snitched from a 'personalize your own romance novel' site, but I'll be devising more of my own later. ::evil grin:: Anyway, there is much more to come, so enjoy! I might snitch a few titles from various romance authors, but all of the ones in this chapter are ones that I'm ashamed to have to take credit for. Heh. Have fun and give me lots of feedback! If you have any suggestions, feel free to email them to me! You might run across one of your own titles or excerpts if you do! (LadyDrake33@yahoo.com or IM Bookish Gnostic) ~~  
  
*A rut in the road caused the carriage to lurch violently and Lady Manirva was flung backward, her hands grasping for the satin upholstery over her head. But again it was Albert that saved the day, catching Manirva up in his arms as the carriage careened over the rut, righting itself onto the pathway.  
  
Gathered in a reckless embrace Manirva clung desperately to Albert , golden tassels twisted against the length of her fingers in one hand, greying locks of his hair in the other. In the midst of her own ill considerations of him, she discovered in fear that she relished the heated touch of this bold Marquis... more than what the love of another man would readily grant forgiveness.  
  
Manirva lost the strength to ask that Albert stop as his lips reached the delicate curve of her neck. She felt his royal hands explore her bare legs beneath the cover of her gown. Beyond all sense of reason, his lips met with hers, eager for her unforeseen delicacies...  
  
~~  
  
"This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read! I love it!" Hermione Granger crowed, no longer able to read aloud to her friend Ginny through her giggles. The two girls were spending the Saturday in Hermione's room-- as Head Girl, she had it all to herself.  
  
"You know you love it!" Ginny sighed. "I wish I could meet the man who writes those... I bet he's kind, and sensitive, and romantic, and--"  
  
"Gay," Hermione finished, cocking an eyebrow. "Any guy who could come up with a romance plot like this has to be gay. Besides, no one knows who he is--Robert Normans is just a pen name. Both the wizarding and muggle worlds are still trying to figure out who he is!"  
  
"How do you know so much about this topic, Hermione?" Ginny asked slyly. "I have a feeling that you've read books besides this one," she smirked and held up the well-worn copy of 'Marquis of Hearts.'  
  
"You know what?" Hermione snapped playfully. "Fine. I'll admit it. I'm addicted to sappy romance novels! Can you really blame me, considering that my choices are limited to Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville?" Ginny grinned, knowing that thanks to her, Harry was spoken for. "I'm a hopeless romantic, which means that I'll probably never achieve any sort of satisfying relationship because there simply isn't a mysterious, intelligent, romantic, interesting guy out there for me to snatch up! Forgive me for being forced to turn to crappy romances in order to make myself feel better!"  
  
Ginny laughed and gave Hermione a comforting look. "Fine, fine, now read me some more of that! I want to find out what happens!" Hermione rolled her eyes and obliged her friend.  
  
~~  
  
*. . . . rose petals lay scattered across the bed and the sweet scent of roses overwhelmed them. Albert slowly moved his hand, tracing the gentle slant of her shoulder, the delicate curve of her neck and the sweep of her jaw. Softly, Albert brushed a lock of dark, velvety brown hair from her forehead as he looked into her breath-taking chocolate eyes. "We've already wasted so many nights," Albert admitted, gathering Manirva in his strong arms. Manirva gazed back, and in a whisper replied, "What is but one night in the history of England, my lord...' Albert finished the sentence, "...but another night stolen from our bed." Manirva could feel the beating of his heart and the warmth of his desire surround her. She reached up and tilted his head, bringing him closer, his mouth a breath away as she uttered the words that would keep Albert with her, warmly by her side for the length of the night and forever. . . .*  
  
~~  
  
"I'm sorry, Hermione," Ginny said as she burst out laughing. "I just can't take this anymore!" Hermione tried to frown disapprovingly, but her mouth betrayed her with a wide grin. Soon both girls were laughing hysterically. "I'm going to get 'When Hell Freezes Over' and 'Slow Burn Wrapped in Silk Sheets' for next weekend. We're going to make this into a ritual!"  
  
~~  
  
"Sybill, this book is priceless!" shrieked McGonagall as she snatched the copy of 'Fire and Lightning.' The other professors eyed them warily, and Snape seemed a little more peeved than usual. McGonagall started to read aloud:  
  
"May I convey to you how much I ardently admire and love you? When my heart beats, it does so for you. I take pleasure in every breath because I know that somewhere you are breathing the same air." Soon Professors Vector, Sprout, and Hooch had gathered around the book and were enthusiastically fawning over it. "Gerald ran a hand through Harriet's fiery hair as he kissed her, no longer caring that they might be discovered."  
  
"This is so romantic! Harriet and Gerald are so perfect for each other! And Gerald's scar has got to be so manly and sexy." Hooch squealed (huskily). "If only I could meet the man who comes up with these. I'd do anything to date him!" Snape snorted, and McGonagall looked up irritably.  
  
"You have no room to talk Severus! The day you can dream of anything even vaguely pleasant to do for a women, I will believe that the Four Founders are once again walking the earth and that your Slytherin brats are willingly intermingling with my Gryffindors." Dumbledore chuckled, and Severus only sneered more viciously.  
  
"So, ladies, have any of you read 'Too Many Layers'? That one was always a favorite of mine." Dumbledore made his way over to the women and was soon sighing over the book just as they were. "However," he added, "I always did identify the most with 'Marquis of Hearts.'"  
  
Moments later, even Flitwick and Lupin had made their way over to the romance readers, and Hagrid was sobbing sentimentally. "It's so beautiful!" he sniffled. Severus looked like he was going to retch.  
  
No one noticed when the Potions Master snorted softly, rose, and exited the Great Hall as quickly as he possibly could. 


	2. Purging Sensitivity

**A/N** This chapter isn't as amusing as the first. I'm not sure what direction this fic is heading at the moment. Oh well! More amusing things will come up, I'm sure! Once again, feel free to email me if you have any ideas, and PLEASE review! If I don't get lots of feedback, I might have to stop posting this story. Of course, that argument won't work if stopping me was exactly what you had in mind. Well, hopefully, you want more! Have fun!  
  
Professor Snape rubbed his temples groggily and prepared to face the seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins. There were so many reasons for him to despise this class: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom...  
  
And her. Hermione Granger.  
  
Snape hated himself for being unable to truly dislike the little know-it- all, but knew that to show his feelings for her would be in vain. Even though he really had hated her when she was an irritating 11-year-old, she had matured into a beautiful and talented young woman. He longed to converse with her, if only to share in her intellectual curiosity. Unfortunately for him, with the likes of Ronald Weasley hanging from her like gross Christmas ornaments, he wouldn't stand a chance. Not that he would have, anyway.  
  
This situation hadn't occurred often in Snape's life--he thought he'd purged himself of his most sensitive, soppy thoughts by placing them on paper and selling them to the masses under the sweet anonymity of a nom de plume. But Hermione somehow awakened that sappiness in him all over again. Snape was disgusted by his weakness. Looking at his own novels made him feel indescribably ashamed.  
  
Snape had often tried to purge himself of his feelings by writing love notes to Hermione that were never sent. They went from angsty to romantic, and he knew that to recieve such a note from Ron Weasley would make her weak in the knees. But from the greasy bastard who was her potions master? Snape sighed and thought of how he might be able to indulge in his emotions without directly confronting her.  
  
After collecting his thoughts, he picked up his quill, as he had so many times before, and began to write.  
  
~~  
  
Hermione gazed wistfully at the cover of the novel she'd just finished. She was hopelessly addicted to Robert Normans, and wouldn't deny it. Despite their undeniable cheesiness, they hinted at something deeper than what she could find among the boys at Hogwarts. Ron, while he was certainly a nice boy, couldn't really sweep her off her feet or promise her his undying love. When she finally fell for someone, Hermione wanted to be able to love completely, to mingle her soul with that of another...  
  
"Good God, 'Mione," she whispered aloud. "You're going insane! This is absolutely pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself." Crookshanks stretched languidly and looked at her as if in agreement.  
  
Glancing at the clock, she realized she was going to be late for potions. Murmuring curses no one would expect to hear from the head girl, she grabbed her bag and raced down to the dungeons at top speed.  
  
~~  
  
Harry was there, and so was Ron, but Professor Snape was trying not to wonder where Hermione was. After all, he wasn't supposed to care... but he noticed that the boys were wondering, too. Suddenly, the door burst open to reveal a slightly dishevelled Hermione Granger. Snape was about to think she looked quite charming in her disarray but, stopping himself, he sent her a trademark scowl.  
  
"Ah, I see the Head Girl has finally condescended enough to grace us with her presence. Detention at eight tonight, Miss Granger." Hermione meekly went to her seat, trying not to show her fear of him. Harry shot her a sympathetic look and Ron tried to put his arm around her. Snape felt a small surge of joy and relief when she scooted away from him purposefully. Of course, if she didn't like Ron, she had probably already bestowed her affections on someone else.  
  
Snape spent the rest of the period harassing Neville and insulting Potter until the boy's eyes blazed and his cheeks burned. In a way, Snape knew he was taking out his annoyance with Malfoy out on Potter as well--Voldemort had been defeated that summer, but Draco's family was still immensely powerful.  
  
Finally the class drew to a close, but as usual Neville had completely destroyed yet another cauldron. Hermione stayed behind to help the boy clean up, and as Snape stood over them in his most intimidating manner he noticed that Hermione's bag was slightly opened and a familiar looking book protruded from it. Then he saw the author's name.  
  
The Potions Master was shocked and slightly amused that the girl would be reading one of his novels! The pages were strangely well-worn... With an imperceptible sigh, he wondered if she'd go near those books if she knew who Robert Normans really was. She probably wouldn't believe him if he told her--not even after a liberal dosage with veritaserum. Feeling slightly dismayed, he waited for the Gryffindors to finish cleaning up and watched them as they scuttled out of the dungeons. Hermione turned to take one last look at him before she shut the door, her expression filled with dread.  
  
~~  
  
Hermione's heart sank further when Professor Snape scowled viciously at her. So much for a pleasant evening of chess with the boys. Before he had glared at her, though, there had been an unreadable expression on his face. Hermione was intrigued by the emotion she couldn't place. Shrugging it off, she figured he had been planning new tortures for her to endure that evening. 


	3. Intercepted Correspondence

**A/N** Aww! Poor pathetic Snapie! Hehe... who knew our calm, cool, collected Potions Master could be such a sap? Tell me if you like it... if you don't, let me down easy! Maybe this isn't laugh-out-loud funny, but Snape's current emotional predicament is so out of character that I think it's pretty amusing! Bryt: Am I following my usual updating patterns? :)  
  
Hermione sighed irritably as she made her way down to the dungeons ten minutes early, just to be safe. She didn't want to be late and land herself with yet another detention. When she finally arrived, having managed to avoid Peeves, who was lurking about at this time of night simply to harass detention-goers such as herself, she rapped sharply on the classroom door.  
  
When there was no reply, Hermione cracked the door open to find the room empty. Vaguely wondering where Snape was, Hermione remembered that she was early and made herself comfortable. After a few more minutes, when he didn't show up, Hermione began to pace the room, allowing her eyes to wander aimlessly over his desk. She stopped short when she read her name at the top of a piece of parchment. Curious, but also feeling that she was invading Snape's privacy, Hermione crept warily towards the parchment. Skimming the paper quickly, her eyes widened. It was a letter! To her! In Snape's handwriting! Thinking quickly, she took a blank piece of parchment and magically made a copy of the letter, which she immediately hid deep within her robes, leaving the original parchment seemingly undisturbed. She'd analyze it later,and try to act as if nothing had happened when Snape arrived. What on earth could he possibly wish to write to her about? Hermione couldn't help but feel that she was stealing, even though the letter was addressed to her.  
  
Boot heels clicking on the stones in the hallway startled Hermione and reminded her to run frantically to her seat. Sitting and gazing at the door innocently, Hermione waited for Snape to arrive. The door opened with such an incredible bang that she jumped, knocking her bag off of the desk. Practically everything spilled from it, including her latest Robert Normans novel. Hermione blushed as she bent to pick it up, feeling Snape's scrutiny as his eyes bored into her back.  
  
"Really, Miss Granger," he snarled. "One would think that a bright student such as yourself would never stoop to reading such trash!" He nodded towards the book. Hermione glared up at him--she might be afraid of Professor Snape, but no one insulted her reading habits without receiving Hermione's own patented death glare. The Potions Master looked slightly taken aback, but his moment of instability was too short for Hermione to be sure it had been there at all.  
  
"I happen to appreciate the work of men who know the meaning of sensitivity, Professor Snape," she said, coolly. Snape tilted his head and regarded her carefully.  
  
"Miss Granger, do you have any idea who actually writes those?" Hermione blushed furiously. "Of course I don't know!" she sputtered. "No one does!"  
  
"I see," he sneered. Hermione suddenly felt extremely ashamed and shoved the book deep into her bag, trying to pretend it wasn't there anymore. "Well then, as this is your detention, I need you to make some more anti- coughing potion for Madam Pomfrey's stocks--this is, after all, cold season. The ingredients are in the first cabinet on the right. Do not leave until you have made at least two batches."  
  
Snape sat purposefully behind his desk and attempted to grade some essays. It didn't work. He could smell Hermione from here--she smelled like the earth after a purifying rain... with a hint of peach. Rubbing his temples as he always did when he was frustrated, he closed his eyes and tried to think of other things, but instead he began to spin a plot in his mind for his next novel. In his brain there was an image of Hermione, a brilliant heroine, facing the dashing, bodice-ripping version of himself that he would create. "Severus, you're off your chump," he murmured to himself, nearly forgetting that she was actually in the room with him.  
  
"Professor Snape?" He started slightly when he heard his name. His head shot up, and their eyes met. He instantly felt his breathing picking up, and fought valiantly to control himself. Fortunately, Hermione was completely oblivious to his predicament.  
  
"What, Miss Granger?" he feigned irritation. If only she'd look at him that way more often... and suddenly, he was in his imaginary world again, imagining her not in her Hogwarts robes but in a corset, her bosom heaving...  
  
"Professor Snape? Do you need to see Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione caused him to once again snap out of his reverie. He'd have to write this novel soon or reality and fantasy would start to merge. Shaking his head slightly, he snarled, "Miss Granger, are you quite finished?" She nodded, frowning slightly. Could she possibly be concerned for him?  
  
"Then get out." Hermione's frown deepened, and her lips parted slightly as she drew in a breath to ask yet another question, but Snape had to stop her before he lost control of himself.  
  
"OUT, MISS GRANGER!" he roared. Hermione grabbed her bag and dashed immediately from the room, not bothering to close the door behind her. Snape put his head in his hands as he listened to her feet hitting the stones. She was running from him, and it was all his fault. With a sigh, he magically closed the door and conjured up some black tea. He really needed to write...  
  
~~  
  
Hermione ran straight to her room, almost slamming the door behind her. Locking it, she flopped onto her bed and lay still for a long time. What had come over Professor Snape? His eyes had looked so distant, and then they had fixed on her, and she'd seen an expression in them that both unnerved and excited her. Remembering the copy of the letter she'd slipped into her robes, Hermione drew it out and timidly unfolded it.  
  
~~  
  
*Dearest Hermione,  
  
Even as I write this, I know this letter will never be sent. Instead, it will join the countless other missives I have addressed to you, but that your gaze will never touch. I cannot imagine your reaction were you to read one of these many confessions, but it breaks my heart to even remotely ponder your thoughts were my emotions regarding you to be revealed. Sometimes I dream of telling you someday of my true feelings, but I know I never will.  
  
Hermione, no matter how hard I try I cannot escape the thought of you. When you are near me, I watch you, wanting only to speak with you, but knowing that I never can. You are always so close to me, and yet I cannot touch you for fear of tainting your perfection. I am jealous of your friends as you smile at them, wishing that even a ghost of a smile could be directed at me.  
  
When I wake in the morning, the last image that I dream of before I open my eyes is your face, though I know that I will never awake to see you next to me. It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, for I long for you more with each day that passes. Often I have prayed to be released from your hold over me, but deep down I know I do not mean it. It is better to suffer for my admiration of you than to lack appreciation for you, than to see you as anything less than the flawless being you are.  
  
I love you Hermione, though I know I shouldn't, and though I know you can never love me in return. But worry not, Hermione, you will never hear this confession from my lips, never read it in one of these pathetic letters of mine. It is better that way. However, no matter what happens, I remain hopelessly, completely,  
  
Yours,  
  
Severus Snape *  
  
~~  
  
Hermione nearly choked as she finished the letter, utterly shocked at its implications. Snape? In love? With her? The thought would have disgusted her, if she could believe it at all, in a normal situation. But this letter... who would have guessed that Professor Snape had such a sensitive (ahem... sappy) side? Hermione wasn't sure whether she should laugh, cry, or run down to the dungeons and kiss the poor man senseless. His writing style seemed oddly familiar, but Hermione couldn't quite place it. It didn't matter to her at the moment.  
  
Snape's tragic, unrequited love for her was so... romantic! The thought that someone could pine for her so desperately made her heart flutter. Gently folding the letter and placing it under her pillow, Hermione changed into her pajamas and snuggled up next to Crookshanks, who had already taken his usual spot on her bed. As her eyes closed for the night, she smiled as she thought of this newly discovered side of Professor Snape. 


	4. Pathetic Bribe

**A/N** I'll get to the Sev/Hermi stuff in just a bit, but I want to goof off a little first. Hm... I don't have much time. School starts Monday! :( But, I will try to write as much as possible and then you'll all just have to trust me when I say I'll come back as soon as I can. I'll be swamped with calculus, physics, advanced Spanish, music theory, and other evil things until I get a decent weekend.  
  
  
THE DAILY PROPHET  
  
Rita Skeeter  
London--Dec. 17  
  
As yet another holiday season approaches, we are all left to wonder: Just who is Robert Normans? His name is everywhere, yet no one has ever met him. This mysterious man has already captured the heart of every woman in the wizarding world, as well as many of those in the muggle one, with his breathtaking novels that make even the most down-to-earth woman (and many jealous men) weak in the knees.  
  
Robert Normans, who are you? There is no registered Robert Normans in the wizarding community, so we can only assume that our reclusive author is working under a pen name. What lucky women (or men) are a part of his life? Has he ever swept some unsuspecting girl off her feet?   
  
Well, Robert Normans, here is your chance to make yourself known to the world. Thousands of women from England to Italy are begging you to reveal yourself, and are willing to pay handsomely for the privilege of knowing your true identity. Should you choose to greet your adoring fans within the next year, the wizarding world will pay you fifty thousand pounds.   
  
So, will we be able to lure the elusive Robert Normans from his hiding place? Or are we doomed to forever ponder his true identity? For the sake of all women, I hope it is the former.  
  
~~  
  
Professor Snape wadded the offensive paper into a tiny ball, and tossed it to one of the house elves lurking in the shadows behind the head table. Only fifty thousand pounds? He'd already made three million from his book sales, and all of that was on top of the fortune he'd inherited when his parents died. However, everyone seemed to hope that this pathetic bribe would be enough to lure him from his hiding place. He tried not to look at Hermione as he thought of the 'lucky' woman who had earned his affection.  
  
"Do you think it will work?" McGonagall asked Hooch, pointing to the article and grinning. "I know I'd pay handsomely to know who he is. Robert Normans seems to really know how to handle a woman." She didn't notice the Potions Master's smirk. He knew how to handle women all right--except that there weren't any for him to practice with.  
  
"I bet he'd damned sexy," Sprout sighed. "I don't even have to see him to drool over him! Do you think he's well equipped?" The female staff members began to giggle conspiratorially. Severus had no desire to enlighten them on the status of his....equipment.   
  
"Hmm... I do often wonder who Robert Normans is," Dumbledore sighed as he stroked his beard. "I cannot help but feel that he would be found in the most unexpected of places. The thing that most shocks me about his writing is the shocking way in which I can identify with his characters. I almost feel as if I am living the story along with them. If I didn't know better, I'd think he already knew me!" Fortunately, Albus didn't notice Snape's well-disguised look of horror. Sometimes the Headmaster was just too damned perceptive....  
  
"I hate to admit it, but I've read all of that guy's books. In fact, I own all of that guy's books! They're so addictive! I'd have to dump Sirius for him if he turned out to be gay!" Remus whispered to Snape, who nearly choked on his coffee. That was NOT something he had wanted to hear... Snape quickly decided to excuse himself and bolted from the table with as much elegance as bolting can support. Suddenly he'd lost his appetite. Ugh, the sorry fate of a hopeless romantic disguised as a cranky Potions Master...  
  
As he left the Great Hall, he heard the voices of many young girls cooing over the Daily Prophet--he already knew which article. Even the Slytherins were all aflutter over the proposed bribe. "Draco, you should follow dear Robert's example," Pansy batted her eyelashes shamelessly. Snape could feel his stomach flipping with disgust. Draco only huffed. "Only fairies bother writing those ridiculous books for sappy, brainless girls!" Draco snarled. Snape felt slightly insulted, but knew better than to say anything. They wouldn't believe him, anyway.  
  
~~  
  
Snape had never really thought before about the effect his writing had on people. For some reason, they had chosen this particular time to suddenly start paying attention to him. He'd been writing that ridiculous grocery store literature since Harry Potter was a first year! Why had they started to notice him now? It was embarrassing!   
  
But Snape was starting to feel less ashamed of his secret career. It was actually quite interesting to see that he could get reactions out of them, and he was slightly flattered by women who would be entirely willing to throw themselves at his feet--until they actually figured out who he was. But who could love him as he truly was? Of course, that romantic side was one part of him, but no one could possibly be willing to deal with his prickly nature and unattractive appearance for the sake of a flair for words and a sensitive side potent enough to defeat Gilderoy Lockhart at his own game. And Remus... Snape closed his eyes for a moment and tried to block that out of his mind. He did NOT want to think about Remus's comment just now...  
  
The Potions Master was too preoccupied with other, extremely disturbing thoughts to notice that Hermione was regarding him with considerable interest. It was just as well--he probably would have interpreted her perplexed frown as an expression of disgust. That, and the robes he'd chosen for himself today were thinner than usual, and it wouldn't be good for him to get all hot and bothered.  
  
~~  
  
"Hermione? Earth to Hermione!" Ron all but yelled as he snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face. Hermione suddenly blinked and shook her head slightly.  
  
"Finally, you're back from whatever weird world you happened to be in just now!" Harry laughed. "What were you thinking about that could possibly be so interesting?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," Hermione lied through her teeth. "I was just thinking about a question I had for Professor Vector in arithmancy next period..." Deep within the recesses of her mind, however, Hermione continued to admire Snape's graceful hands and the purposeful way in which he walked. She wondered how those hands would feel in her hair... How could he do this to her in such a short period of time? Then Hermione had realized she'd been noticing Professor Snape for years--since her first year at Hogwarts. It had taken until now for her to finally realize it. 


	5. Annoying Complications to Further Plot

**A/N** Glad to be getting good reactions! I truly hope I don't have to cut this story too short... less than 48 hours before school starts.... :HYPERVENTILATES:   
  
Some of you asked about the rules of this particular challenge: well, in it SS is a secret writer of Mills and Boon type novels, but no one knows. Hermione has to find out, and there must be a reference to at least one of Snape's novels in the fic (I got that base covered... hehe). There are also some... *ahem* interesting phrases I must incorporate into my story, so if you see anything particularly strange you'll know why. So, without further ado, here is today's fifth chaper of Quill of Fire! :)   
  
~~  
  
During the next potions class, Snape felt more unnerved than he ever had in his life. He was acutely aware of Hermione's unwavering stare, but he didn't know the motivation behind it. He decided not to say anything about it, because he feared that even though he'd embarrass her, he'd also embarrass himself by reacting. Unsure of what else to do, he told the class to work on a potion until the end of class, then sat behind his desk and tried to ignore Hermione's eyes, which were still moving across his face. There was a profound sense of relief when she took her eyes away to work on the potion, but this relief was short-lived. Hermione was an extremely fast worker, and before long she was once again fixated on him.   
  
Finally, Snape took a deep breath and met her eyes, keeping his face perfectly impassive. He desperately tried to sort out the emotions he saw in her expression, but was too shocked at the obvious lack of hatred to sort them out. Then, a miracle happened!   
  
Hermione smiled at him. A warm, genuine, friendly smile! Snape wanted so badly to smile back, to take time to relish this divine favor that had been bestowed upon him...   
  
He sneered at her and looked away as though her smile disgusted him. Part of him felt relieved when she turned her attention elsewhere, but another part of him was screaming angrily at his poor judgement. If only he had held on to that smile but a second longer! Already he sorely felt the loss of Hermione's attentions.   
  
~~  
  
Hermione had expected Snape to scowl at her the way he did, but it still hurt her feelings just a bit. She wondered why some men had to be so damned difficult. It wasn't as if her love would hurt him...  
  
Had she just thought love? She had, hadn't she? Hermione sighed. This situation only got more impossible by the moment. It wasn't completely impossible, of course, but Merlin knew it was close. How was she going to get Snape to admit his love for her? He'd never do it willingly, and if she told him about the letter he'd be furious!   
  
Hermione sighed, assuaging her frustration by concentrating completely on the potion. Still, she couldn't prevent her eyes from peeking up at him now and then, trying unsuccessfully to catch his eye. Hermione wanted to stare into those obsidian pools for hours on end, though she doubted she could get him to oblige her at this point.   
  
Giving up until the end of the period, Hermione made sure to pass very closely to him on her way out the door, just millimeters away from making actual contact... she smiled slyly when she heard his breath catch slightly, knowing he wouldn't notice her amusement.  
  
~~  
  
The Holidays were approaching, and Hermione wanted to do something for Severus (as she'd begun to refer to him in her mind), although she'd have to do it surreptitiously.   
Everyone's main concern, however, was the Yule Ball--the first since Hermione's fourth year. Lavender and Parvati were more excited than anyone, and Hermione spent the week leading up to the ball avoiding them as much as possible. Avoiding them not only meant avoiding irritating gossip, but also a most undesirable makeover.   
  
Hermione and Ginny teamed up and decided to get dressed together, thus avoiding the accusation that they weren't acting as though they cared at all, and also having the excuse of needed girl talk to keep everyone away. Lavender and Parvati never stood a chance of getting into Hermione's room.   
  
Ginny looked stunning by the time they were finished, and according to Ginny, Hermione looked even better. Ginny had chosen pale blue dress robes that set off her hair and eyes, and Hermione had donned crimson robes that accented her pale skin and somehow managed to make her eyes seem more arresting. Even Hermione's hair was behaving that night--after a valiant struggle, Hermione and Ginny had managed to force it into an elegant updo, with stylish wisps of hair framing her face and resting alluringly against her neck.   
  
Their light makeup jobs were also expertly done, and Hermione's mirror began to chatter excitedly when they stood side by side, admiring themselves. Hermione's eyes shone brightly, accented by the brilliantly applied eyeliner and a small amount of glitter. Her lips were now rosy and glossy, and completely kissable. Playfully, Hermione pouted at her own reflection, admiring the effect of the gloss she had used. Maybe she'd have to try it more often.  
  
"Don't you two look beautiful! I swear, any man you girls want tonight, you will get--unless he's an absolute idiot or playing for the other team!" The mirror continued its compliments nonstop for a few minutes, but then the girls had to head down to the common room. Ginny giggled, and Hermione grinned, too. She hoped the mirror was right when it said she could get any man--or one man, really. It was just that he happened to be an extremely difficult one...   
  
When they made their way down to the common room, Harry and Ron turned and looked at them, their eyes bulging. Ron's jaw nearly hit the ground, and Hermone could practically see Harry's drool when he got a good look at Ginny. Hermione had chosen not to take a date, although she had promised all of her friends at least one dance. Of course, she had also promised one to someone special--he just didn't happen to know it yet.  
  
Smiling brightly, Hermione accepted Ron's arm and allowed him to lead her to the Great Hall. She prayed he wouldn't read too much into the friendly gesture--she could tell by his blush that he was still smitten. A pang of guilt shot through her, but it ended quickly. Hermione knew that the situation couldn't be helped, and chose to make the best of it. She hoped Severus noticed all of the trouble she'd gone to for him. 


	6. Disgustingly Cliche Yule Ball

**A/N** So, are you liking it? Here's chapter six for the day! See? I work hard for you! Maybe if I'm really, really lucky, I can finish this tomorrow. Unfortunately, it would not obey me and become something humorous. Oh well, I like it anyway, I guess. I really am sorry that I have to rush, but my plot will completely die if there is too much distance between each chapter I write. Whew, this breakneck pace is starting to take its toll, though. I'm going to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow tonight! Hope you are enjoying this!  
  
~~  
  
Snape was apparently very interested in his pumpkin juice, trying to ignore the banal conversations of his colleagues, when suddenly Minerva gasped slightly.   
  
"Oh Albus!" she cried in a motherly way. "Look at Hermione! Hasn't she blossomed into a beautiful young woman?" Snape glanced up, and felt his heart stop momentarily. Once it started beating again, it was going at twice its normal rate. What did this girl do to him?  
  
Hermione was fantastically beautiful in Snape's eyes even on normal days, but tonight, she was absolutely breathtaking. Snape tried to keep his face expressionless, but almost lost control of his emotions when she met his eyes intrepidly and flashed him a dazzling smile. Snape nearly fell out of his chair! Had that smile really been meant for him?   
  
His heart sank when Hermione turned to speak to Weasley, on whose arm she happened to be hanging. Leave it to Weasley to ruin the moment. Trying to shove aside his disappointment, he sighed and left the Great Hall to begin his outdoor rounds.   
  
~~  
  
Hermione got a bit worried when she saw Snape leaving the Great Hall, then realized that it was probably Ron's fault. After sharing a few dances with fellow Gryffindors, she excused herself and went outside to 'get some fresh air.'   
  
It wasn't particularly difficult to find Snape--he was being his usual self and stalking imposingly through the gardens, looking for students whose hormones had caused them to forego the dance all together. Fortunately, there weren't too many of those, although Snape had managed to discourage Pansy Parkinson from making a tramp of herself too early in the evening.   
  
He was, of course, thinking of Hermione and sulking. She was probably mooning over that ridiculous Ron Weasley just now, if not fighting Weasley's sister for Potter's attentions. Hell, she'd probably choose Neville over him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone cleared her throat behind him.   
  
"Professor Snape?"   
  
~~  
  
Hermione had called to him softly, and was amused by his reaction to her voice. She'd never seen him so... nervous before. Grinning at him, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why are you out here all by yourself, Professor?" He instinctively glared at her, but somehow the look lacked its usual sting.   
  
"I could ask you the same. I'd at least expect to catch you hiding in a bush with Weasley out here." Hermione laughed, her suspicion that he was jealous confirmed.   
  
"Professor Snape, that would disgust me if I didn't think it was funny!" He eyed her suspiciously, but tried to look uninterested. "Now, aren't you coming inside? You surely aren't going to go the whole night without dancing with anyone?" Snape raised an eyebrow noncommitally.   
  
"And who, may I ask, would I dance with, Miss Granger?" he asked silkily. Hermione grinned, and extended a hand. "Why not with me?" He looked for a moment like he was about to be hit by a train, and then like he was going to refuse, but Hermione smiled at him encouragingly.   
Rolling his eyes and acting put upon, he growled, "Very well, but only this once. And if you step on my feet I'll give you detention until you graduate." He took her hand and allowed her to lead him inside. Hermione didn't indicate that she could feel his pulse beating frantically through his fingertips.   
  
~~   
  
Once they had reached the dance floor, Snape hesitantly put one arm around Hermione's waist, and took her hand. He looked mildly surprised when Hermione interlocked her fingers with his, but decided not to comment. To say something would give him away.Suddenly,a slow song came on, and Snape cursed his luck. It would probably be a long piece, as well.   
  
But it was heaven to have Hermione pressed against him, swaying with him in time to the music! He could smell her, and it intoxicated him. Snape tried not to concentrate on just how wonderful it felt to hold her against him...  
  
~~  
  
Hermione, on the other hand, was relishing every moment of the dance. She made sure to brush against Snape at every possible opportunity, enjoying his slightly ragged breathing and the fact that his heart was pounding wildly in his chest. Lifting her eyes to look at his face, Hermione noticed that his eyes were slightly glassy and that there were beads of sweat forming on his forehead. She grinned wickedly, but masked the grin quickly when his eyes suddenly met hers.   
  
She felt her body tensing slightly. His gaze sent electricity crackling through her veins, and she felt her own breathing hitching a bit. Hoping against hope, Hermione prayed that he would kiss her, right here, in front of everyone. But instead, an interesting expression crossed his face, and he looked slightly guitly. Hermione's heart sank. What had gone wrong, now?  
  
~~  
  
When her body had tensed, Snape had instantly felt terrible. He must have frightened the poor girl--she was even breathing raggedly, most likely afraid that he was going to bite her head off. He tried not to notice he fact that her lips were parted oh-so-alluringly, or that he desperately wanted to tuck one of those wisps of hair behind her ear...   
  
Thankfully, the song soon ended, and he separated from her as quickly as possible, making his way to the safety of the head table. He took his usual seat next to Remus, thankful that Minerva was currently dancing with the Headmaster so that he wouldn't have to deal with her commentary right away.   
  
"I'd be careful, Severus," Lupin whispered to him. "I think Hermione is developing a crush on you!" Severus turned to him and snapped, "Don't be ridiculous, Remus. That's sickening." Remus only rolled his eyes and gave Severus a strange smile, which the Potions Master discreetly chose to ignore.  
  
~~  
  
On Christmas day, Severus was surprised to recieve something other than the trinkets his colleagues felt obligated to send him. There was also a very short note, in a simple white envelope, written in the standard, completely unidentifiable style of a dict-o-quill. As he read it, a variety of emotions played across his face.   
  
~~  
  
*Severus,  
  
Don't worry. Your feelings are returned, and sometimes confession is the best medicine for an aching heart.  
  
Yours,   
  
A friend *  
  
~~  
  
Was this some kind of sick joke? Severus closed his eyes, a pained look on his face. Who could have sent this letter? No one could possibly have known where his affections lay... and yet, this letter was undeniably written by someone who had some insight. Of course, Snape would never take this advice and confess in the way it seemed to suggest. There was a different form of confession he could indulge in, however.   
  
"Accio, quill. Accio, ink. Accio, parchment." Snape's brow furrowed in concentration as he put the items he had summoned to use. This would be his last novel, and his best. 


	7. Alchemy

**A/N** I actually wrote this chapter really early on, so I hope it fits well enough into the flow of the story. Are you all still liking it? I know it's a little rushed, but that cannot be helped. I'm about to suffer from the public school version of the Cruciatus curse, you know! Hopefully I'll manage to get through everything before they murmur Avada Kedavra and ruin me for good...   
~~  
  
Robert Normans's newest novel, 'The Alchemist,' was a huge hit. Hermione had managed to get a copy of it in Hogsmeade despite the high demand for it. Hermione had literally had to shove other frantic women out of the way in order to snatch up a copy from the quickly dwindling supply of books. She and Ginny had excitedly shut themselves up in her room in order to read it. Before they could get started, however, there was an insistent knock on the door.   
  
"Come in! It's open!" Hermione called, wondering who on earth needed her so badly on a Saturday. The door opened and in filed the entire Hogwarts staff, excluding professor Snape, along with all of the Gryffindor seventh years. Hermione raised an eyebrow as Hagrid tried to squeeze through the door as well, making himself at home on her rug. Crookshanks hissed, eyed the intruders warily, and slithered under Hermione's bed. Hermione didn't blame him.  
  
"Um... Professor McGonagall, could you explain...?" Hermione gave everyone a perplexed look, and McGonagall looked slightly embarrassed.   
  
"Well, Hermione, it seems that you are the only person at Hogwarts lucky enough to get a copy of that book, and well... Dumbledore suspected that you and Ginny had been reading those books in here as a weekend ritual, and..." She stalled, a rare occurrence for Minerva McGonagall, but Dumbledore jumped in for her. "Can we join in? Will you read to us, Hermione? We're all just desperate to hear the story!"   
  
The Head Girl's jaw nearly dropped. She'd had no idea these books were so addictive! Even Harry and Ron were blushing and begging her to read the book to them. Neville hit her with his puppy dog look--the one he gave her when he needed extra tutoring. Remus and Flitwick also seemed bizarrely interested in the book, and Hermione figured she should oblige them before there was a riot. The room was packed, and the air was already starting to get stuffy, but Flitwick was thoughtful enough to mutter a cooling charm. With a shrug, Hermione cracked open the innocent looking book, which smelled of fresh ink and new paper. Hermione closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled, relishing the scent. She then began to read.   
  
~~  
*Damien Gray sat between two other obnoxious staff members--one wanting to read his tarot and the other trying to bait him by insulting his harsh teaching methods--and waited for the meal to end, waited for anything that would alleviate the ennui which had overtaken him like Communism through Eastern Europe...*  
~~  
  
The novel was about a lonely, cranky professor at a muggle boarding school, who spent a good deal of his time protecting the school from political advances from Lord Vanderbilt, who was bent on seeing the institution's downfall. Hermione found the trio of future valedictorian (Heather), class hero (James), and loyal sidekick (George) strangely familiar.  
  
Before long, the cranky professor, named Damien Gray, began to fall in love with one of his students--the future valedictorian. The book took them through his insecurities, his many character flaws, his hateful behavior towards his students and his inevitable regret regarding said behavior. Damien Gray reminded Hermione of someone, but at the moment she wasn't quite making the connection, so she continued to read.  
  
~~  
  
Everyone was listening with rapt attention by the time Hermione got to the part about Damien writing love letters to Heather but never sending them. Suddenly, remembering the letter that remained under her pillow, something clicked in Hermione's mind. She knew who the author was! Robert Normans was Professor Snape! Why on earth hadn't she realized it before? She had been so stupid! Suddenly she stopped reading in order to overcome the shock of her discovery.   
  
"What? Hermione, what's wrong?" McGonagall asked, not really concerned about Hermione's health for once but simply wanting the story to continue. Hermione shook her head, murmured "Oh, it's nothing!" and continued.   
  
~~  
*"Heather, I love you. You have taken over every part of me..." Damien's eyes pleaded for understanding from the object of his affections, but it was not granted.  
  
"Your paper and your parts are pure crap!" Heather cried, throwing the hefty pile of unsent letters down at Damien's feet. They scattered haphazardly, but he simply closed his eyes and made no move to retrieve them. "You disgust me," Heather snarled. "Never speak to me again." With those words, she stormed from the room and left Damien to mourn his loss. Solemnly, he bent down to retrieve the letters, throwing them into the crackling fire without a second glance.*  
  
~~   
  
Once the novel ended, everyone was crying--especially Hermione, because she knew who the novel was really talking about. The story had not ended well--Damien had finally, spurred on by raw emotion, confessed his love to Heather and was spurned viciously. Heather ran off with the school hero's loyal sidekick George, who Hermione suspected was Ron, and left Damien to himself in a fashion reminiscent of "The Phantom of the Opera," which the book actually made multiple references to. Hermione was reminded that when she had read the book, she had always thought Christine was an idiot for running off with Raoul. Was Snape truly afraid of such a rejection? Hermoine's heart began to break for him, and more tears sprang to her eyes no matter how she tried to suppress them.  
  
"Oh, that was so sad!" sniffed Hagrid, dabbing his eyes with a comically undersized handkerchief. Suddenly, tears flowed freely down his ruddy cheeks and he began to sob. "But it was so beautiful!!!" Dumbledore, who was a little misty-eyed himself, simply patted Hagrid on the back and sighed, "There, there, Hagrid. It was only a story, after all." Upon hearing this, Hermione began to sob herself. Everyone gave her strange looks--it wasn't like Hermione to get all emotional, even when Harry himself had been forced to wipe his eyes roughly on his sleeve.  
  
"Make yourselves at home," she murmured, drying her tears quickly. "I have to take care of some very important business!" Snatching up the book, Hermione dashed from the room and ran quickly down to the dungeons. She needed to have a very serious chat with Professor Snape. Right now. 


	8. Short Conversations

**A/N** Sorry about the rush, but I really am trying to finish this before tomorrow. There won't be too many more chapters. I hope I'm not butchering this or anything... ugh, my family wants to drag me around running errands all day, too, so I'm having many obstacles shoved in my way. I'll see what I can do, though. Please keep giving me feedback! It gives me the motivation I need to crank the chapters out this way! Once again, sorry if this sucks! I'm not really thinking about things before I write them.  
  
~~  
  
Professor Snape was, as usual, sulking in his dungeons. He'd gotten an owl from his publisher congratulating him on his record-breaking sales, which didn't surprise him because the most unexpected people were reading his work lately.  
  
On his way through the Slytherin common room, Snape had caught Draco Malfoy carrying a copy of "The Alchemist" under his arm, rushing up to his room. Through careful interrogation of the boy, Snape managed to get some answers. Draco finally blushed and admitted he'd convinced his father to get the book for him by saying he was acquiring it for Pansy. He actually had wanted to read it himself. Unsure how to react, Snape raised an eyebrow and left the Head Boy to his reading. He would have laughed had he known of Potter or Neville and their soppy romance obsessions, but catching Draco in the act was just horrifying.  
  
This new infatuation (probably bad word choice there) with Snape's cheesy novels was confusing to him, and it worried him even more than usual because Valentine's Day was just around the corner. Although he passionately despised the holiday, he always had to endure the throngs of students dosed with love potions, or those who had suffered from non- magical emotional trauma. Besides, it wasn't like he ever got Valentines.  
  
He kept getting those strange notes, however, much like the one he had recieved on Christmas. They were always very clipped, saying things like "Have you confessed yet?" and "When are you two going to get it on?" These notes were entirely confusing, but Snape simply couldn't figure them out. He had started to suspect they were coming from Albus, but he wasn't sure. They were always signed, "A Friend."  
  
Suddenly someone rapped on the door to his classroom. Who could it be? It was a Saturday. Surely not a student?  
  
"Enter." Snape's eyes widened ever so slightly when Hermione Granger walked into the classroom, a copy of "The Alchemist" in her hand. She sat across from him and met his eyes fearlessly.  
  
"Professor Snape, I think we need to have a little talk." Panic came unbidden into Snape's maelstrom of emotions. Did she know about him? No, she couldn't possibly! He'd been writing about the Hogwarts staff in his novels for years and no one had noticed! They hadn't even caught it when he put a Hagrid-type character with his own version of Madam Hooch (that relationship was probably the only secret Hagrid had ever been able to keep, but of course, Snape had figured it out).  
  
"And what, Miss Granger, do you dare to presume we need to talk about?" he snapped, keeping his shields up. Hermione held up the book. "This book bears some... interesting resemblances to people we know. I was wondering if you knew anything about it?"  
  
"Of course not!" he said incredulously. "Do you really think I'd have anything to do with that ridiculous fluff?" Hermione raised an eyebrow as if to say, "Do you want an honest answer to that question?"  
  
"Well, is there anything else, Miss Granger, or are you just here to waste my valuable time?" Hermione sighed, frowned slightly, and then grinned at him.  
  
"There was one other thing," she said, standing up and heading for the door. "But I don't think you'll be too interested in the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with you." With a grin, she met his eyes for a second and then closed the door behind her.  
  
Snape was too busy trying to think and breathe at the same time to say anything in response. Had he just imagined that? He tried to believe that, but the lingering smell of peaches on the air prevented him from convincing himself.  
  
But how was it possible? Everyone knew, now, about the horrible things he had done in the service of Lord Voldemort. The reason he hadn't gotten Order of Merlin for his espionage was because they felt that their reluctance to send him to Azkaban was reward enough. Surely Hermione loathed him for his past actions?  
  
~~  
  
"Severus?" Albus Dumbledore made his way into the classroom. "What exactly did Miss Granger say to you to produce that sort of expression on your face? I haven't seen you look this way... ever!" His eyes twinkled, revealing that he probably already knew but wanted to torture Snape anyway.  
  
"Oh, bugger off Albus," he snapped, rubbing his temples and pressing his palm to his forehead.  
  
"You know, for a while now a friend has been trying to give you advice," grinned the Headmaster. "At first he worried you had a thing for Professor Sprout, but he was much relieved to discover your real choice." Snape's head shot up. Dumbledore had been sending him those notes, then? Of course, he would have thought the man was off his rocker if he'd just said those things to his face.  
  
"Now, Severus, before I have to get angry with you, I want you to confront your feelings and confess them to our dear Miss Granger." Snape opened his mouth to protest, but Albus was already ten steps ahead of him. "Don't try to argue with me, Severus! She is twenty thanks to the time turner, eighteen legally, a seventh year, an extremely mature young woman, and one who knows plenty about your past and has a heart big enough to love you anyway. You are not too old for her, you are not unworthy of her, and by Merlin you will allow yourself to be happy for once!" His eyes twinkled once more, and Dumbledore turned on his heel and left, his robes billowing in a mockingly Snape-like manner. 


	9. Like This Scene Would Ever Really Happen...

**A/N** Dang, this thing just keeps getting more and more cheesy! Oh well- I'm having fun writing it, and I've only got two or three chapters left to write. I hope you guys are having fun with it! I won't be doing any more writing until at least Thanksgiving unless I find myself in some extremely unusual circumstances.  
  
Hermione knew something was up when, during the next potions class, Snape gave her a detention with him without any provocation. She had simply nodded her head and continued to work, ignoring the sympathy she was receiving from Harry and Ron. If only they knew!  
  
As much as she hated to admit it, Hermione was painfully curious about Snape's reaction to her confession that weekend. Would he really try to do the noble thing and reject her? Hermione grinned to herself as she thought, "I hope not!" As confident as she was of his feelings for her, Hermione couldn't help feeling a little nervous.  
  
"Be here at 8:00 sharp, Miss Granger," he growled as she left the room with the other Gryffindors. She had simply nodded coolly but respectfully. Oh, yeah--she also walked very closely to him again so she could hear his breath catch. She loved being able to do that to him!  
  
~~  
  
That evening, Hermione felt increasingly on edge as she neared the dungeons. She'd insisted that Harry and Ron not accompany her--as much as she appreciated their concern she simply didn't want to deal with their unnecessary condolences.  
  
"Well, if he does anything to you, just tell us and we'll hex him to Hades and back!" Ron snarled protectively. Hermione laughed and told him to do his homework. After the boys left, Hermione began to walk in the direction of the dungeons when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Gasping, she whipped around to see the Headmaster beaming down at her.  
  
"Good luck, Hermione," he whispered, and walked off to his office. Hermione nodded solemnly even though there was no one to nod at, and reached Snape's classroom without any further interruptions. Raising a hand but not knocking immediately, Hermione drew in a deep, slightly shaky breath. Steeling herself for the worst, she knocked fearlessly.  
  
"Enter," came his voice from inside, and Hermione obeyed. He was sitting behind his desk as usual, watching her intently. Standing, he beckoned her into his office. "Sit," he ordered, and Hermione made herself at home while trying to covertly admire the interesting books on the desk and the bizarre potions ingredients on the shelves.  
  
Shutting the door behind him, Snape murmured a few powerful locking and silencing charms. Once ensconsed behind his desk, he rested his chin on his hand. Hermione could feel those eyes of his boring into her thoughtfully, and she chose to meet his gaze. Staring intrepidly into the black pools of his eyes, Hermione saw flickers of emotion that made themselves known, then disappeared just as quickly, hinting at wonderful things just beneath the surface.  
  
Her stare was having an effect on him, so much so that Snape had to work hard in order to force himself to speak. Trying to ignore the shakiness of his breath, he prayed that Hermione didn't notice the tremor in his voice and began to speak.  
  
"You said something very interesting to me before you left my classroom the other day, Miss Granger," he murmured. Hermione continued to look at him, nodding her assent. "And I wanted to know if you meant it." Hermione couldn't help smiling a little.  
  
"I meant it." He looked slightly shocked, but had soon regained his composure. The look in his eyes had taken on a new level of intensity.  
  
"Miss Granger--"  
  
"Call me Hermione." He looked surprised again, but continued. "Hermione, do you know what you are saying?" Fighting the urge to roll her eyes.  
  
"For Merlin's sake, Severus! You may have been a Death Eater, but you are also Robert Normans, and don't even try to deny it." She noticed him start when she addressed him by his first name, and he became even more tense when she remarked on his secret life as an author.  
  
"What do you need me to do, take veritaserum? I've told you before, and I meant it then, and I mean it now. I love you." Hermione watched his face, searching desperately for a reaction. Suddenly, his entire expression changed. No longer was he wearing the stony mask he had shown her only seconds before. With only a few slight adjustments, his face was now communicating passionate emotion. Hermione looked into his eyes and never wanted to look away from the love she saw in them.  
  
Before she could think about anything, he had leaned across the desk and captured her lips with his own. Hermione enthusiastically returned the kiss, inviting his tongue into her mouth and burying her hands in his hair. She couldn't help but groan with irritation when he pulled away, panting. His eyes captured hers again, and Hermione felt her heart leap. Happiness filled her, and she knew it was all because of him.  
  
"I love you," he whispered, with a small, timid smile. Before long, Hermione had moved to his side of the desk and leaned down to kiss him yet again. When she pulled away, she was smiling.  
  
"Well, now that we've taken care of that, tell me how you managed to keep the rest of Hogwarts from finding out that you were Robert Normans..." 


	10. Valentine's Day! Heh heh...

**A/N** Well, I think I'll write one more chapter after this one. I don't really know where those poems came from, but my brother dared me to include them in a fic sometime so there they are. ;) I hope this has been fun for everyone--I know I had fun writing this!  
  
Valentines Day at Hogwarts was never normal, but this one was definitely the most unusual in the school's history. Instead of allowing Snape to skip the normal mealtime games played by the teachers that year, Dumbledore forced him to join in the festivities, and the Head Girl and Boy --one allegedly single and the other wanting to be--were also invited to the head table.  
  
Hermione had woken up that morning to a procession of two dozen owls, each carrying a heart and a love letter from Severus. She was both flattered and amused--who knew the Potions Master could spoil the girl he loved? Hermione had sent Severus an opera ticket--she, of course, possessed the other.  
  
She and Severus had decided to keep their relationship a secret from everyone, but figured that Dumbledore already knew. He knew everything-- except that Severus was secretly the author of dozens of sappy romance novels.  
  
At Hogwarts, the staff plays a game where at every meal, each member of the staff either asks a question that every other staff member must answer honestly or dares everyone else to do something mildly embarrasing. Minerva went first.  
  
"What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?" she asked the table. "I declared my love for someone off the top of the astronomy tower years ago..."  
  
Dumbledore had filled the bed with rose petals, Hagrid had worked desperately hard to save someone's familiar, and Remus had...(censored). Draco had finally given that book to Pansy, and ignored Snape's smirk when he used that situation. Hermione said she'd confessed in the riskiest way possible, refusing to comment any more on it. Finally it was Snape's turn.  
  
"What about you, Severus?" Dumbledore grinned. Snape rolled his eyes, trying to look put upon, and sighed. "I had two dozen owls fly into her room, each carrying a black rose and a love letter." Minerva's jaw dropped, and Remus choked on his bacon. Trelawney shook her head and clucked, "I never saw it coming..." Snape decided not to comment on that. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and suddenly he looked very proud.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" asked Hooch, never one for tact. Hermione tried to conceal her smile, which was spreading rapidly across her face. Severus saw the mirth in her eyes and had to suppress the urge to smile himself. He glared at Hooch, and she gasped, "You're serious, aren't you?"  
  
"Deadly."  
  
~~  
  
"All right," Hagrid grunted at lunch--it was his turn. "I want all of ye to yell out the most immature limerick ye know! Loudly enough for all of us ta hear it!" Dumbledore began, and he managed to set the theme for the entire poetry session.  
  
"An observant old codger named Browder Said "Now, between bean soup and chowder, You'll find my good friend, That bean soup-- in the end-- Will prove to be several times louder."  
  
Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Flitwick began to snicker. "That WAS immature!" Trelawney sighed, pretending to be above it all. However, her poem was even more ridiculous:  
  
"I sat next to the duchess at tea. It was just as I thought it would be. Her rumblings abdominal Were something phenomenal And everyone thought it was me!"  
  
Flitwick and Snape recited the dirtiest, most inappropriate limericks they knew. Even Hooch was blushing after Snape's. Draco's was pretty pathetic-- almost as pathetic as his 'romantic' gesture, but not quite. Hermione happened to go last this time, and she chose an old muggle favorite. Grinning evilly, she opened her mouth and began to recite this age-old verse:  
  
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."  
  
~~  
  
Draco's 'dare' was for everyone at the head table to passionately kiss (tongue required and for at least a five second duration) a person at the head table of his choosing. Luckily, his pairings were not particularly damaging. The pairs were Sprout with Flitwick, Trelawney with Remus, Hooch with Hagrid, McGonagall with Dumbledore, and Draco with Vector. He looked at Hermione maliciously,obviously thinking he was doing her a great disservice, and announced that she would be kissing Snape. He looked stunned when she didn't act horrified or send any evil looks his way. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled very brightly.  
  
Draco was shocked when the pairs he chose (with the exception of Remus and Trelawney and his own kiss with Vector) seemed to enjoy the snogging a little too much. Luckily, none of the students who were dining at the normal tables noticed what was going on: Dumbledore had cast a charm over the table to prevent them from paying attention to the teachers' antics.  
  
It was Severus and Hermione's kiss that shocked everyone the most, although they were still too dubious to read into it the way they should have. Grinning at Hermione, Severus had captured her lips in a toe-curling, heart-stopping kiss that made the one between Wesley and Buttercup look pathetic (A/N: for those of you who have seen The Princess Bride...). Tongue was, as required, most enthusiastically included. It also lasted a bit longer than five seconds...  
  
McGonagall looked slightly ill after witnessing the kiss, and whispered to Hermione, "Are you all right?" Hermione looked at her and laughed. "Of course I'm all right! Why wouldn't I be?" Snape smirked at Draco, whose eyes were popping from his head, and was torn between amusement and disgust when Remus murmured something to himself about Black needing to take lessons.  
  
~~  
  
There were, however, to be many more surprises that night. Dumbledore was the last person to make a request, and he gave Snape a strange look before he declared, "Have any of you ever written a book? If so, give the title. If you have written multiple books, name them all." Severus went white, but no one seemed to notice. Dumbledore managed to save him for last.  
  
Dumbledore himself had written part of "Hogwarts: A History." McGonagall had written a transfiguration textbook, and Hooch was author of the official Quidditch rulebook. No one else had written anything.  
  
"How about you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked pointedly, the twinkle in his eyes growing brighter. Knowing he couldn't lie his way out of this one, Severus surrendered and finally confessed a secret he'd been keeping for years. He knew this was Dumbledore's revenge for not being told from the beginning...  
  
"I've written many books," he admitted. "I've written multiple books about poisons and their effects, as well as a textbook about the use of potions in medicine. But I suppose I am best known," he paused to smirk,"as the author of 'Too Many Layers,' 'Marquis of Hearts,' 'Fire and Lightning'"... the list went on for some time, and was concluded with 'The Alchemist.'  
  
The entire head table was stunned, with the exceptions of Hermione, Dumbledore, and Severus.  
  
"You can't be serious!" Trelawney shrieked. Hooch started coughing wildly, and Remus looked so mortified that Severus wished desperately for a wizard camera.Dumbledore started to beam widely.  
  
"I always knew ye were jest a big softie!" Hagrid chuckled, thumping Severus on the back so roughly he almost knocked the potions master into his soup. "Ye're a good author, Snape!"  
  
McGonagall was hyperventilating at the moment, regarding Severus with wide eyes. Snape turned to Malfoy and sneered, "You tell anyone I write those, and I'll make sure that everyone knows you read them." The whole staff table began to laugh, except for Minerva, who fell into a dead faint and had to be transported to the infirmary. By the end of the meal, everyone at the table had been sworn to secrecy to prevent Dumbledore's prank from having too many repercussions.  
  
"Severus, my boy, if you had simply told me in the first place, I wouldn't have had to do this." Dumbledore sighed with mock regret. Severus scowled, nodded grudgingly, and tried to sulk. However, he couldn't remain angry for long because, unnoticed by the other staff members, Hermione's hand was under the table and creeping up his thigh. Merlin, he could get used to this! 


	11. Rushed Ending... But I Tried!

**A/N** This is it! The last chapter! It kinda sucks, but oh well! My next story will be better thought out. Are you sad? Are you thankful? Whatever you happen to think, please click the little review button and let me know... I'll definitely be brainstorming for another fic during my term in Azkaban (aka high school), and I'll be checking up on all of your fics, so you had better update! I love you all! Thanks for paying attention to my story! --LD  
  
~~  
  
Despite the fact that Severus did his best to be as nasty as ever (unless he happened to be alone with Hermione), the staff treated him very differently now that they knew him not only as Severus Snape but as Robert Normans, possibly the most romantic man in history. Of course, only Hermoine benefitted from his sensitive side, but she definitely didn't seem to mind. Their relationship was still kept secret from everyone except for Dumbledore, who approved of their love for each other completely.   
  
Graduation was approaching quickly, but Hermione wasn't too worried about it. She'd chosen to become Professor McGonagall's apprentice at the very beginning of the year, and in a few years would be the new Transfiguration professor. Harry and Ron were going to train as aurors together.  
  
If the Gryffindors noticed that Hermione was spending less and less time in the common room, they didn't say anything. They also didn't mention the peculiar black envelopes that would arrive during breakfast and make Hermione blush when she read them. Ron seemed to be going to a special effort to remain oblivious to the fact that Hermione was positively lovesick, but Harry was starting to catch on before too long. Finally, when Hermione arrived in the common room after curfew, looking very flushed, Harry asked the questions he'd been tossing around in his head for so long.   
  
"Hermione, are you seeing someone?" Hermione stopped short, got an unreadable expression on her face, and motioned for Harry and Ron to follow her to her room. Once they were seated on her bed and looking uncomfortable, Hermione was ready to speak.   
  
"You asked me if I was seeing someone, and the answer is yes. However, I'm afraid to tell you who because I don't want you to be angry with me or with him. Promise me that you'll handle this like adults if I tell you, and be kind enough not to tell anyone else about this. Do you promise?"  
  
Both Harry and Ron nodded vigorously, though Ron was looking a bit unhappy.   
  
"I'm seeing Professor Snape." Ron's face turned red, and Harry's emerald eyes widened. Suddenly, Harry began to laugh.   
  
"What is so funny?" Hermoine asked indignantly. Harry continued to laugh. "It's just too perfect! Why didn't I guess that before? I should have known!" Hermione was soon laughing too, and although Ron still looked upset, and even a little angry, he shot her a small grin as well.   
  
"I don't like it," Ron sighed, "but if he makes you happy I can't argue with you."  
  
Hermione smiled and threw her arms around her friends. "Thank you so much, guys, this means a lot to me."   
  
"Well, he's no Robert Normans but if that's what you want..." Harry grinned. He couldn't quite comprehend the look Hermione gave him, but new better than to pursue the matter further. Ginny was delighted when she found out.  
  
~~  
  
A few days later, Hermione was walking along the shores of the lake with Severus. The squid was splashing lazily in the distance, and a few crickets were chirping, but other than that there were no disturbances to speak of.   
  
Hermione had never been happier in her life. The love letters she got from Severus never ceased to amaze her, and she'd put all of them in a box that never left her bedside table. When she thought of her future, she knew she wanted him to be a part of it.   
  
"Hermione?" he asked, softly, taking her hand. She turned to look up at him, smiling, and his heart stopped all over again. Would she ever stop doing this to him? He hoped not.   
  
"Severus?" she replied. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he reached into his robes and pulled out a small black box. He stopped walking, and Hermione stopped with him, her eyes probing his questioningly. 'Here goes nothing...' Severus thought, dropping gracfully to one knee and diplaying the box's contents.   
  
"Hermione, will you marry me?" Suddenly a single tear slipped down her cheek, and he started to get worried. His doubts disappeared when Hermione threw her arms around him and kissed him senseless. Pulling back, she looked him square in the eye and whispered, "Yes."  
  
~~  
  
The following night was the night of the Graduation Dinner, and once again Hermione and Draco were invited to sit with the teachers. Hermione had explained her ring to Harry, Ginny and Ron, who were shocked, but luckly no one else had noticed. She and Severus had agreed that she would wear the ring, and answer honestly if asked about it. Only Albus knew of the engagement so far, but unfortunately staff members are much more observant than students. Hermione was shocked to have gotten halfway through the meal before someone asked her about the diamond on her left hand.   
  
"Hermione," McGonagall asked nervously, "let me see your hand--what is that ring on your finger?" Hermione glanced at Severus, who was sitting on her right side, but glanced away before anyone noticed. Surrendering her hand to McGonagall, she prepared to answer all of the inevitable questions.   
  
"Are you engaged?" McGonagall was starting to look more and more worried and motherly, and Albus was staring to grin more and more widely. Trelawney made a remark about knowing Hermione would end up engaged to the Ron Weasley, which made Snape choke on his tea. Hermione tried not to laugh and simply told Minerva that, yes, she was engaged.   
  
"To who?" she asked excitedly. Hermione burst into a wide grin and looked at Severus, who met her eyes and returned her smile with a small one of his own, his eyes laughing.  
  
"I'm engaged to Severus." The whole table fell silent. Remus sprayed his tea everywhere, and Flitwick dropped his fork loudly, turing abruptly to look at the unusual couple. McGongall's mouth was hanging open, and Trelawney looked extremely embarrassed. She started to mumble something about her inner eye being out of focus, while Professor Sprout started to grin. Draco paled visibly and pushed his plate away, looking ill. Hagrid began to give Snape one of those, "If you hurt her, I'll have your head before you can say Care of Magical Creatures" speeches.   
  
Finally Dumbledore's laugh caused everyone to fall silent, and he declared, "Well, Severus, now that your secret is out, kiss her already!" For once, the Potions Master grinned mischievously and followed the Headmaster's orders without complaint. The entire graduating class was shocked to hear their professors clapping wildly, and then to see Professor Snape passionately kissing the Head Girl. Harry and Ron gave each other knowing looks, and Ron actually started to grin. Lavender and Parvati were tittering wildly, amazed that they hadn't figured it out despite the countless Potions classes they had all been through. Some students laughed, some sighed and thought it was romantic, and others cringed in horror. All were completely and utterly amazed.  
  
~~  
  
Hermione and Severus did indeed get married, and Snape never again wrote a soppy romance novel. For years the wizarding world puzzled over where Robert Normans had disappeared to, and witches everywhere were disappointed when their bribe failed and the fifty thousand pounds were promptly returned to the rightful owners.   
  
Whenever Hermione asked her husband why he had stopped writing soppy romance novels, he would simply reply, "Because I'm already living the perfect one. Why bother creating any more when I can enjoy the one I've got?" He never did lose his flair for sappiness, but Hermione didn't mind. He still wrote her some of the best love letters in history.  
  
THE END!!! 


End file.
